If you've spent any time around newborn babies, you have probably discovered that you can get them to grasp your finger tight. Place your finger in the palm of a young baby's hand, a baby who can't seem to do anything but drool, and she will reflexively wrap her tiny, chubby fingers around it. Since I first discovered that babies were fascinating, even when I spent many years afraid to hold one for fear of breaking it, I always loved that feeling. Watching their infant fingers curl, and feeling them squeeze, as they explore and experience the world around them is a beautiful thing.
In a matter of weeks or months, that curiosity and exploration expands and that little one begins to roll, crawl, and eventually stand. The feeling I got when when my daughter would put her little hand in mine so that I could help her stand up was almost unexplainable. It is euphoric, exhilarating, and the epitome of peace. I loved being needed; her dependence on me resulting in some incredible bonding times as I helped her investigate the world around her.
At 2, she isn't particularly interested in dependence. "I do it myself!" is a common exclamation around our house. Occasionally she realizes that she still needs help and reluctantly takes my hand, which just isn't quite the same. But every so often - while going for a walk, getting the mail, or playing together - she will take my hand and walk with me. She will put her tiny, ever-growing hand in mine just because I'm Daddy and she can and she wants to.
When she was a baby, she took my hand out of reflex; it was survival instinct. It was charming and beautiful, but reflexive and basic. Now - now it is a choice, and ever the more beautiful because her heart is choosing to engage mine. She is choosing to be in relationship with me out of love, not dependence. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why God gave us Free Will: Because heart-to-heart engagement will always be more meaningful and enthralling then dutiful dependence.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
The little one can teach
On May 17th, 2009, at 6:16am, my life changed forever. My little girl came into this world, and I had no idea how much she would alter every pattern of my existence. The way I think, the way I plann, and the way I look at life has all mutated in some way. Over the last 2+ years, I have learned a lot about myself, a ton about infants and toddlers, and an incalculable amount about parenting. The surprising thing to me has been how much I learned about being a child.
The Holy Bible, especially the New Testament, consistently uses family imagery to explain our relationship with God. Jesus says we should see him as "Abba' (Daddy), a loving parent, and we are His children (Galatians 4:5-7). And then there is the popular idea of needing to have "childlike faith" that isn't even in scripture (http://www.soulation.org/library/articles/childlike_faith.pdf). Personally, I've always struggled a little bit with the whole concept. I look at scripture and see a loving God who gave up everything for His children (thats us), but also a God who's justice and righteousness spill out on the world in some destructive, frightening ways. How am I supposed to see the Destroyer of Nations as a loving Father? And I think its certainly fair to say that all of has have a twisted perception of what it means to be a father based on our relationship with our own earthly Father. I love my Dad, and he's been a great father, but He certainly isn't perfect. And the idea of viewing God as a father seems to make Him so, well, small and human and flawed. So I have simply believed that God was to big to be truly close to, too Holy to want much relationship with me anyway, and certainly too disappointed in me to love me.
Remarkably, being a father to a beautiful, intelligent, curious, tempestuous little girl has taught me some amazing things about the love of a Father. Mostly I have learned that no matter what emotion I am feeling toward my daughter, love always supersedes them all. Incredibly, understanding more about a Father's love, what I feel toward and what I want from my baby girl , is teaching me more about my role as His child. Through her fits and giggles, and my innate reactions to it all, I think I am just beginning to understand how God feels about me and what He wants from me in our relationship.
While I hesitate to compare my love for my daughter to God's love for me, I think it can be done as long as we remember that everything we are experiencing on this rotating rock is merely a dim reflection of everything that God is. I believe that the lessons I am learning are changing me in positive, powerful ways, and are too good to keep to myself. I hope that as you read this blog, you learn something about how God sees you, and how much He simply wants you to be His child.
The Holy Bible, especially the New Testament, consistently uses family imagery to explain our relationship with God. Jesus says we should see him as "Abba' (Daddy), a loving parent, and we are His children (Galatians 4:5-7). And then there is the popular idea of needing to have "childlike faith" that isn't even in scripture (http://www.soulation.org/library/articles/childlike_faith.pdf). Personally, I've always struggled a little bit with the whole concept. I look at scripture and see a loving God who gave up everything for His children (thats us), but also a God who's justice and righteousness spill out on the world in some destructive, frightening ways. How am I supposed to see the Destroyer of Nations as a loving Father? And I think its certainly fair to say that all of has have a twisted perception of what it means to be a father based on our relationship with our own earthly Father. I love my Dad, and he's been a great father, but He certainly isn't perfect. And the idea of viewing God as a father seems to make Him so, well, small and human and flawed. So I have simply believed that God was to big to be truly close to, too Holy to want much relationship with me anyway, and certainly too disappointed in me to love me.
Remarkably, being a father to a beautiful, intelligent, curious, tempestuous little girl has taught me some amazing things about the love of a Father. Mostly I have learned that no matter what emotion I am feeling toward my daughter, love always supersedes them all. Incredibly, understanding more about a Father's love, what I feel toward and what I want from my baby girl , is teaching me more about my role as His child. Through her fits and giggles, and my innate reactions to it all, I think I am just beginning to understand how God feels about me and what He wants from me in our relationship.
While I hesitate to compare my love for my daughter to God's love for me, I think it can be done as long as we remember that everything we are experiencing on this rotating rock is merely a dim reflection of everything that God is. I believe that the lessons I am learning are changing me in positive, powerful ways, and are too good to keep to myself. I hope that as you read this blog, you learn something about how God sees you, and how much He simply wants you to be His child.
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