Puddle Jumping

My daughter has a new fascination with puddle jumping.  Which is good, since we're about to enter 9 straight months of rain.  I don't know why the sudden fixation; maybe its just the 3-sizes-too-big ladybug rain slicker we just bought for her that she hasn't really broken in yet.  Whatever the reason, the other day when it rained she was adamant that we go outside so she could go puddle jumping.

The problem was it hadn't rained very much.  That, combined with our relatively-new-street's modern draining system, meant there weren't very many exciting puddles.  On the other hand, she seemed pretty content to stomp in the shallow, narrow pools of water she found, one foot at a time, sending water and slime in every direction.  We slowly worked our way down the street, stopping to stomp in every puddle, until we got near the end of the block.  And there, in front of the community mail boxes, was the puddle I was sure we'd been looking for.  Deep, wide, and certain to create the kind of splashing joy a 2 -year-old's dreams are made of.  "There we go!" she sang as she took off, running as fast as her shin-high boots and shin-length slicker would let her.  I smiled as she approached the giant puddle, squealing all the way.  This was about to get very entertaining.

But she and I were not looking at the same puddle.  In fact, she ran straight through the best puddle on the block, splashing a little with every step, to arrive, grinning from ear to ear, at the poorest excuse for a puddle you've ever seen.  She contented herself with stomping, one foot at a time, in water that she could barely make splash, having no idea what she had missed.

How often do we do that with our lives?  How much time do we spend going from shallow to shallow because we're too busy too see the depth of God's love and grace? How often to we miss the depth of understanding God has for our lives because we're too busy getting excited over shallow excuses for joy?

May this be a reminder to slow down, enjoy the messiness of puddle jumping, and be watchful for the joys that God has for you.

Holding Hands

If you've spent any time around newborn babies, you have probably discovered that you can get them to grasp your finger tight.  Place your finger in the palm of a young baby's hand, a baby who can't seem to do anything but drool, and she will reflexively wrap her tiny, chubby fingers around it.  Since I first discovered that babies were fascinating, even when I spent many years afraid to hold one for fear of breaking it, I always loved that feeling. Watching their infant fingers curl, and feeling them squeeze, as they explore and experience the world around them is a beautiful thing.

In a matter of weeks or months, that curiosity and exploration expands and that little one begins to roll, crawl, and eventually stand.  The feeling I got when when my daughter would put her little hand in mine so that I could help her stand up was almost unexplainable.  It is euphoric, exhilarating, and the epitome of peace.  I loved being needed; her dependence on me resulting in some incredible bonding times as I helped her investigate the world around her.

At 2, she isn't particularly interested in dependence.  "I do it myself!" is a common exclamation around our house.  Occasionally she realizes that she still needs help and reluctantly takes my hand, which just isn't quite the same.  But every so often - while going for a walk, getting the mail, or playing together - she will take my hand and walk with me.  She will put her tiny, ever-growing hand in mine just because I'm Daddy and she can and she wants to.

When she was a baby, she took my hand out of reflex; it was survival instinct.  It was charming and beautiful, but reflexive and basic.  Now - now it is a choice, and ever the more beautiful because her heart is choosing to engage mine.  She is choosing to be in relationship with me out of love, not dependence.  And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why God gave us Free Will:  Because heart-to-heart engagement will always be more meaningful and enthralling then dutiful dependence.

The little one can teach

On May 17th, 2009, at 6:16am, my life changed forever.  My little girl came into this world, and I had no idea how much she would alter every pattern of my existence.   The way I think, the way I plann, and the way I look at life has all mutated in some way.  Over the last 2+ years, I have learned a lot about myself, a ton about infants and toddlers, and an incalculable amount about parenting.   The surprising thing to me has been how much I learned about being a child.

The Holy Bible, especially the New Testament, consistently uses family imagery to explain our relationship with God.  Jesus says we should see him as "Abba' (Daddy), a loving parent, and we are His children (Galatians 4:5-7).  And then there is the popular idea of needing to have "childlike faith" that isn't even in scripture (http://www.soulation.org/library/articles/childlike_faith.pdf).  Personally, I've always struggled a little bit with the whole concept.  I look at scripture and see a loving God who gave up everything for His children (thats us), but also a God who's justice and righteousness spill out on the world in some destructive, frightening ways.  How am I supposed to see the Destroyer of Nations as a loving Father?  And I think its certainly fair to say that all of has have a twisted perception of what it means to be a father based on our relationship with our own earthly Father.  I love my Dad, and he's been a great father, but He certainly isn't perfect.  And the idea of viewing God as a father seems to make Him so, well, small and human and flawed.  So I have simply believed that God was to big to be truly close to, too Holy to want much relationship with me anyway, and certainly too disappointed in me to love me.

Remarkably, being a father to a beautiful, intelligent, curious, tempestuous little girl has taught me some amazing things about the love of a Father.  Mostly I have learned that no matter what emotion I am feeling toward my daughter, love always supersedes them all. Incredibly, understanding more about a Father's love, what I feel toward and what I want from my baby girl , is teaching me more about my role as His child.  Through her fits and giggles, and my innate reactions to it all, I think I am just beginning to understand how God feels about me and what He wants from me in our relationship.

While I hesitate to compare my love for my daughter to God's love for me, I think it can be done as long as we remember that everything we are experiencing on this rotating rock is merely a dim reflection of everything that God is.  I believe that the lessons I am learning are changing me in positive, powerful ways, and are too good to keep to myself.  I hope that as you read this blog, you learn something about how God sees you, and how much He simply wants you to be His child.